Saturday, January 30, 2010


The younger one is in the kitchen and living room cleaning up. She somehow always forget to clean up after herself and when friends sleep over, even after being told twice. It's a heated topic here at the house, kids cleaning up after themselves "so that" adults don't have to. It seems to be a groove that needs lots of supervision to create a habit.

CRASH.... from the kitchen, while I am writing this. Broken glass jar. I set her up to clean it up herself.

I just got off the phone with the older one (14). Oh man.... I got pissed/triggered. I like that word "triggered," it's when something occurs in your field of experience that sets something off inside, a part of you gets activated and your emotion body lights up usually in anger, judgment, or fear. It basically throws you into your inner kid or teenager in charge and you want to do anything you can to NOT feel. And if your not on top of your game, you know... owning your own stuff, able to understand how you feel, then you usually take it out on those closest to you.

So when she asks for a ride home and she's only 8 blocks away, and I say walk.... it's a sunny Sat. morning, and she keeps going at it, relentlessly, until I say, "see you here at home, I love you," and hang up.

She pulled one of these a few nights ago. After school she walked to a friends house after school. She called home, asked for a ride home, it's 6 blocks away, I said walk, and come home before it's dark.

Well time got away from her, it got darker than she thought and all the sudden she's afraid (that she will get raped, murdered) and calling for a ride. "No... walk, it's your responsibility, we already talked about this." She calls mom.

My wife and I are both bugged by this teen behavior, it's on-going. So she talks her friend into walking her home, and tries to make us wrong for it all. Wait..... it's too messy. She and I even try to talk about it later and its still messy.

One thing I do see is that a self defense class is important and would be empowering. I have talked her her about this and she's interested. Just found a class on line, "Kick Like A Girl," and singed her and a friend up.

to be continued....

Saturday, January 9, 2010

A Big Event of Chaos - Ten Preteens Sleeping Over

It's a good time to dad blog - there are 10 (ten) 6th grade girls (12 years old) here at the house for a birthday sleepover. Whew.... and my wife hasn't been here all day and won't be here tomorrow. And the girls now??? Let me turn the music down so I can hear what they might be up to. Just before I feed them all they were doing their first round of own version of America's Top Model.

Sounds like they are in the second round of make-up. I'll go out eventually and clean up some more. I'm not a big party person, didn't have many birthday parties as a kid so it's kinda a stretch for me to be the solo parent and host such a big event of chaos here at the house. But my wife grew up with many big parties and we made a compromise, one big party every other year.

So I just got off it, went party shopping with my new 12 year old and got into it. Actually it's pretty cool, a few of the girls I have known since they were in preschool - that's pretty cool. And this age they are pretty interesting, poised to becoming a teenager next year, all of them. How exciting and I imagine terrifying.

I sense boys are different. I watch both my girls getting into shopping, cloths, hair, make-up, refusing to get near anything that might have them appear nerdy - like riding a bike, hard enough to get it into their heads that they do have to get to school on their own. Oh sure it several blocks - OK I just looked, it's about 20 blocks, and you are getting there on your own - unless it's really cold or raining. We live in the San Francisco Bay Area - spring starts early.

Back to the party. It was silly string outside, the girls screaming in the dark, pretty cute, my new camera picking up lots of light at night and hey.... what's that on MY TRUCK?